Many psychologists would tell you that there is something inside you, which needs to be corrected. Some key component you are lacking, some ideology you have yet to grasp. If you have been told this, I will not tell you to go against your doctor's advice, but I will say this...if you do not "fit in," the chances are, you have associated yourself with the wrong group of people. No one can become friends with everyone.

But before we go headlong into the religious aspects of this conundrum, let us take a more mundane approach. How do you dress? What color is your hair? How many facial piercings do you have? Do you sport facial tatoos? Ritualistic scarrifications? Two heads? Are you dressing for "shock value?" Do you choose friends who do? Do you dress Goth, have rainbow colored hair, 3 facial piercings [plus a set of vipers in your tongue], and live in a small town of 36 people? This could account for your inability to "fit in." Either move, or stop it! LOL

"I felt like I was in the presence of people who didn't believe anything. It was like everything I was seeing was just a farce. All the people looked like drones, singing in monotone, and just doing what the man up front told them to do." geryn on being forced to attend church as a child.

If geryn's words strike a chord within you, then it could be that you belong somewhere else. Regardless of whether your experience was felt during a Christian service, or a Pagan rite. Regardless of where you are, if you feel this way, that is obviously not where you belong.

That being the case, you need to find out who YOU are, get more in touch with yourself, study up on the literal thousands of paths available to you, and discover what is right for you. You may end up feeling the same euphoria that your friends/family experience during their services, by watching an eagle ride a bank of wind. You may discover that you need the structure of rite, the unstructured world of Nature Magicks, or just solitude, in order to experience that feeling of religious connection.

Every religion is a whole new world. The trick is to be true to yourself, and finding the right world for you.

"I've investigated and researched, but I can't seem to find any church or group that feels like family. What does this mean, for me?" email to Lady Elswet™.

Finding the right group or church is like finding the right mate. It has to be a perfect fit, or things/situations will end up crashing down on your head, dragging Chaos behind it.

By "perfect fit," I do NOT mean that you have to find a group or group leader [be they Rabbi, Minister, Priest, or Priestess] who belives exactly as you do. What I DO mean is that you would be very wise in finding one who is open-minded enough to accept change, to not withdraw from the morphologies which occur with enlightenment, and who has a good solid grasp of the ideologies from which you speak. OR a leader who is WILLING to work to obtain the foundational grasp of your religious beliefs. THAT leader would be the one for you, regardless of your religion. I know Wiccan Covens who have accepted Christians into their ranks as Magick Users for that same reason. However, this does not mean that said leader would have to become a cognoscente to your beliefs, in order to identify with them, or with you.

In other words, one does not have to become a psephologist in order to vote. You do not have to know what a boscage is in order to feel at home in Nature. And not all neologisms are senseless words spoken by psychotics. LOL Your spiritual leader should have enough courage to pluck up the fortitude required to LEARN from their congregation, rather than act like they know all there is to know. NO ONE knows all there is to know, and anyone who acts like they do, is merely looking for a band of lemmings to follow them about and tell them everything is great, that they are great, instead of people who can think for themselves.

To find any group, which feels like "family," takes time, patience, and above all...diligence and dedication to the journey. Developing relationships is the first step along the road of your journey. Family has a history, memories, and shared moments. Without giving any one group a real chance, you miss out on the opportunity for feelings of kinship you may have developed, over time, with that group. Family means more than friendship. Family is supposed to indicate an existence of unconditional love. That is not to say that it equates the unconditional acceptance of your bad decisions, skipping out on family events, or gross immaturity, but they will love you in spite of it all. You will not reach this point overnight. It takes, in many cases, years to develp these relationships. The trick is finding a group of people who share common beliefs, and whom you LIKE, and building from there.

If you have truly attempted these tactics, and nothing has come to fruition, then you may wish to consider becoming a Solitary Practitioner of your chosen path. This is a difficult choice, as you will have nothing but your own intuitive and cognitive processes to assist you in weeding out what is right and what is NOT right, for you. It also makes it difficult in achieving the states of euphoria safely, when alone. [If you are in trance state, and someone breaks in...]

There is no one to assist you in evaluating your advancements, to share your enlightened thoughts, to discuss your realizations and help mold them into practical applications. There is no spiritual safety net, anyone in whom you can confide or ask questions, or to assist you in determining what are the key elements of any given situation.

That having been said, there are some good points to being a Solitary. Other people's drama do not affect your spell work or rite, everything you use in rite is your own, and you don't have the bother of spending time and energy building relationships with anyone but Deity. The last reason given, is the reason many higher Practitioners choose to go into a hermetic state, later in life. They have developed the human relationships, and seek a higher knowledge through a closer relationship with the Divine.

The point is, if you don't fit in, change your environment and friends, and look within yourself to discover why?